Thursday, May 29, 2014

Every choice has consequences.

Too often we try to bear the burdens of others.  Their choices are not our fault, so their consequences are not our burdens to bear!

As codependents we tend to take the burdens of the world upon us.  

  • If they don't eat it's because we didn't cook the food right.  
  • If they oversleep for work it's because we should have woken them up.  
  • If they drink it's because we upset them.  
These are characteristics the characteristics of codependency.  In our meddling we are not allowing the addict the opportunity to truly live life.   Enabling is the failure to allow someone to receive the natural consequences of their actions.  

How to stop enabling the addict or alcoholic in your life:

  1. Stop making excuses for the addict/alcoholic.  
  2. Set boundaries and stick to them.  
  3. Stop providing money to the addict/alcoholic.  
  4. Stop doing anything that allows the addict/alcoholic to continue their current lifestyle.  
  5. Don't take on responsibilities that the addict/alcoholic should be doing for themselves.  
  6. Allow "No" to be a complete sentence when dealing with the addict/alcoholic.  
  7. Don't drink or do drugs with the addict/alcoholic.  
  8. Don't react to the addicts latest consequences for their behavior.  
It is difficult to see someone we love and care for to have to suffer as a result of their choices.  But we must honestly ask ourselves if it would hurt more to see them lose their life over us helping them continue to thrive in addiction?

Thursday, May 22, 2014


I understand.

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Baby Steps

My personal mantra's this week:
1. Don't expect too much.
2. More than yesterday is more than enough!

Honestly, we're starting from rock bottom.  The situation had gotten so bad it destroyed us and we have to decide whether or not endure more of the same or create something new.   I chose to create something new.

If we're not careful we can fall into some recovery traps.  In the beginning we get so excited about the possibilities we want to conquer everything immediately.  Truly, we're just like a newborn fawn.  We just aren't ready to run in the forest with the big bucks.  There are bears and cougars waiting for someone just like us!  We have to take baby steps.

"Comparison is the thief of joy." This is one of my favorite quotes.  Be careful on your recovery journey that you don't start comparing your failures and accomplishments to someone who started their journey long before you.  This is such a demoralizing and wasteful behavior.  If your only accomplishment today was the fact that you went to work and didn't cry in the bathroom celebrate that!  Allow yourself the opportunity to relish in the accomplishment.  Just don't forget to build on that victory.  You are beginning to develop some great habits, behaviors, and coping skills that will assist you with setting some life changing goals!